News

Courts Confirm Snuggies Are Not Clothes. Seriously, This Happened.

Published On 02/16/2017 Published On 02/16/2017
Snuggies aren't clothes
Screengrab Snuggie Infomercial

If it actively feels like the world is falling apart at the seams, there's hard confirmation that it's happening. A U.S. court has ruled that Snuggies are not clothes. No more quick trips to the store in nothing but a Snuggie, because you're legally naked.

Don't use your Snuggie as vestments for your Gandalf costume, because Gandalf wore clothes. A Snuggie is a blanket, case closed. At least that was the ruling a federal trade court handed down. IT had more to do with taxes than your sense of self-worth, but nonetheless, it's a blanket and not a backward robe according to no less an authority than America.

How did they decide this? They're not glad you asked. But since you're curious, for it to be considered clothes, the court says it'd need "closures." For it to actually be clothes, "At a minimum, one must wear the Snuggie backwards." Judge Mark Barnett of the Court of International Trade said they can be used just like a blanket. It could be used "in the types of situations one might use a blanket; for example, while seated or reclining on a couch or bed, or outside cheering a sports team."

It's actually a big win for the makers of Snuggie (and presumably Slanket, if that's still a thing). The maker, Allstar Marketing Group, has been at odds with the U.S. Department of Justice since 2010. The ruling means they'll only pay an 8.5 percent tariff to import the lazy-day robe blankets. As an article of clothing, they would pay a 14.9 percent tax rate because of how the product is categorized.

Good news for the manufacturer, but not as good for Snuggie enthusiasts because it means no more late night watching cable news in the bathroom while tweeting. It'd be fine in a robe, but you're wearing a blanket in the bathroom, you animal.

h/t The Verge

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Dustin Nelson is a News Writer with Thrillist. He holds a Guinness World Record but has never met the fingernail lady. He’s written for Sports Illustrated, Rolling Stone, Men’s Journal, The Rumpus, and other digital wonderlands. Follow him @dlukenelson.

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