News

This Australian Dude's Dick Is a Spider Magnet

Published On 09/29/2016 Published On 09/29/2016
shutterstock.com

In the off-chance that you need yet another reason to believe spiders are terrifying eight-legged monsters, look no further than an extremely unlucky Australian man who claims a spider bit his penis while sitting on a toilet. For the second damn time. Seriously.

The 21-year-old tradesman from Sydney, Australia, who would only go by "Jordan" in news reports, said he was sitting on a portable toilet, when he felt a painful sting on his dick and looked down to see spider legs dangling near his junk. As if this story wasn't bad enough, it turns out the incident was actually the second time a spider has bitten his penis while using a portable restroom. And although he wasn't able to identify the type of spider that bit him this time, a highly venomous redback spider bit him in the first incident, according to a report by BBC News. Yikes.

As you can imagine, Jordan refrained from using portable toilets after the first spider bite, but took the risk of using one again after assuming it was safe.

"Toilets got cleaned that day and I thought it was my opportunity to go use one," he told the BBC. "Had a look under both seats and then I sat down did my business. Next thing you know, I'm bent over in pain."

Unsurprisingly, Jordan said he will not be using a portable restroom again, according to the report. Many observers have said he's the unluckiest guy in Australia after the unfortunate dick-biting incidents. Even the staff at the hospital where he was treated laughed at his misfortunate, having recognized him from the last time he was bitten, he said. And while you've probably thought of at least a few Spiderman/spider web jokes about him by now, you should probably take at least a quick second to feel bad for him first. 

Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.

Tony Merevick is Cities News Editor at Thrillist and will be forever terrified of sitting on any type of toilet in Australia now. Send news tips to news@thrillist.com and follow him on Twitter @tonymerevick.

Clickbait