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Sportscaster Loses His Mind Over Olympic Restrictions

Everyone knows that the Olympics and NBC ferociously protect their brand and the footage of the Olympic Games. But the details of those restrictions aren't always that interesting and so it's just kind of a vague notion that other stations can't have highlights and local businesses shouldn't use the word "Olympics" in their promotions. But if you're someone dealing with those restrictions on a day-to-day basis, it can be pretty frustrating. Just ask WGN's Pat Tomasulo. Or don't, because he'll tell you anyway.

In a sports segment that probably would have focused on the Olympic under normal circumstances, Tomasulo went on a rant that took a pretty weird turn. "It's not the actual sports of the Olympics I don't like," he says. "It's NBC's restrictions on the TV rights and anything Olympic related."

He goes into detail on how much footage he's allowed to show and then invents his own games, which he calls the "The International Athletic Competition Run By One of the Most Corrupt Organizations in the World."

Their symbol? The Olympic logo made out of triangles. Their anthem? R. Kelly's "Bump and Grind," which he proceeds to lip sync way too much of. On the other hand, he can sell a lip sync. He might even be better at it than Seth Rogen

It gets weirder still. He shows highlights of a 1996 high school wrestling match as he gives a report about what happened at the Olympics that day, but he changes the names of the athletes. Michael Phelps becomes Mickey Phillips in this Dadaist interpretation of sports broadcasting. It's pretty amazing. Mr. Tomasula deserves a slow clap for this one. 

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Dustin Nelson is a News Writer with Thrillist. He holds a Guinness World Record, but has never met the fingernail lady. He’s written for Sports Illustrated, Men’s Journal, The Rumpus, and other digital wonderlands. Follow him @dlukenelson.