This Guy's Comment About How Starbucks Made Him Poop 11 Times Is Hysterical
There are so many reasons -- both accidental or intentional -- a Starbucks employee might screw up an order. Sometimes that means complaining enough that they swap out your Frappuccino, or just grinning and bearing whatever odd mix of cloying flavors you didn't intend to drink. It might also mean a violently fecal morning punctuated with trips to the bathroom. Thus was the regrettable case of Demit Strato, a public commenter who took to Starbucks' Facebook page on June 26 to voice his displeasure. His particular issue: getting served a drink that had milk in it instead of soy milk. Twice. For someone who isn't lactose-intolerant, that's a nuisance. For someone who is, in Strato's case, that means, in his words, "poop[ing] 11 times since the A.M."
His comment below is stunning, disgusting, heartbreaking, and -- we have to say it -- a comedy-writing masterwork. Here it is in full:
I have nothing but sympathy for Strato. This is also a legitimate health concern and Starbucks and other major food service companies are obligated to train their employees to take food allergies seriously. Mistakes happen, of course, but it's not like people can't die as a result of them. Horror stories of what can go wrong, in ways far less funny than Strato's experience, litter the internet.
Strato is lucky, and Starbucks is too. His rant written "from the comfort of his toilet" has racked up more than 291,000 likes, 113,000 comments, and 36,000 shares since he posted it on Monday of this week. Like the best writing about bowel movements, it speaks to the most human aspect of our day-to-day life. He would undoubtedly do David Sedaris -- who once wrote a short essay about a "long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito" -- proud.
For its part, Starbucks replied privately to Strato, and it's a good thing they did. He is not a Charmander, dammit. And his colon deserves a modicum of respect, just like the rest of us.