Strato is lucky, and Starbucks is too. His rant written "from the comfort of his toilet" has racked up more than 291,000 likes, 113,000 comments, and 36,000 shares since he posted it on Monday of this week. Like the best writing about bowel movements, it speaks to the most human aspect of our day-to-day life. He would undoubtedly do David Sedaris -- who once wrote a short essay about a "long and coiled specimen, as thick as a burrito" -- proud.
For its part, Starbucks replied privately to Strato, and it's a good thing they did. He is not a Charmander, dammit. And his colon deserves a modicum of respect, just like the rest of us.