Ahh, that glorious time of year when the act of standing outdoors literally hurts your face. Your bones are cold! Dry skin is peeling off your face! You are like a sad, cold ear of corn.
Well, kid, we're here to tell you we can do absolutely nothing for your skin -- but we may have a little something for your morale: Starbucks is hosting a nationwide holiday happy hour today with a deal for free drinks.
Here's the deal: Starting at 3pm on Thursday, December 6, the caffeine purveyor is offering sad, dejected folks like yourself a free holiday drink when you buy any holiday drink in size grande or larger.
Naturally, there are restrictions (nothing in life or Starbucks is truly free). The second beverage has to be of equal or lesser value, you can only use the offer once, and you do, in fact, have to restrict yourself to holiday beverages. We're talking Peppermint Mochas, Caramel Brulee Lattes, Eggnog Lattes, JUNIPER LATTES, Maple Pecan Lattes, and so on and so forth. You can't go wrong: We guarantee everything will taste like the sort of thing Buddy the elf would pour on spaghetti.
Speaking of Juniper Lattes: they are, in fact, a thing. A nice, balanced break from your standard sugar-saturated Christmas indulgences, they're Starbucks' latest it-beverage. Sure, the thing sounds a bit like a parody of itself. It's not difficult to poke fun at the roster of bone broth-infused, garden soil-packed, dandelion-camel milk Frappuccinos that seem to be appearing on more and more café menus. But there's one minor difference: These are good. Juniper, an evergreen shrub, has an herbal, sweet, medicinal flavor. The latte, topped with sugary pine-citrus foam, tastes something like a Christmas tree -- in a good way. And if it's arriving on the house, you may as well give it a shot.
But again: you cannot simply buy drip coffee. That would be a lame use of this promotion, and it's also not allowed.
To redeem the offer, if you're a Starbucks rewards member, you'll simply have to show up at a participating location, flash the barcode sent to your email this morning, and select your two beverages of choice. If you're among the class of meager non-members, you can hit the Starbucks Happy Hour site and RSVP for a code there. Lucky for you, that'll lead to a future onslaught of Starbucks emails.
This is an excellent opportunity for you to a) Consume enough caffeine to actually do your job, b) Offer a token of gratitude to the co-worker who usually picks up your slack, or c) Make a stranger very happy, and more importantly, earn yourself some good karmic points for 2019.