The Taco Cleanse: The Diet You and Jennifer Aniston Can Finally Get Behind
About 10 days into your New Year's resolution to get fit/healthy/better in some measurable way, you're probably already thinking: dammit, why can't I just eat tacos?
Well, what if you could still eat tacos -- and only tacos -- and get healthy in process? Well, that's a rhetorical question worth answering.
As KENS San Antonio reports, "taco scientists" have created a cookbook of 75 recipes designed to help you lose weight in the new year in The Taco Cleanse: The Tortilla-Based Diet Proven to Change Your Life. Yes, this is an entire cookbook of recipes designed to make tacos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, that the creators say will "Bring all your levels to new heights and increase your nutrimatter content a thousandfold." That last bit barely makes sense, but the big takeaway is that you can allegedly stuff your face with Tex-Mex food (the recipes are adapted for nutrition's sake), all in the name of getting fit.
Of course, everyone's favorite friend (just kidding, that's Matthew Perry!), Jennifer Aniston, upped the intrigue in the Taco Cleanse when it piqued her interest during an interview with Yahoo! Celebrity. As Jen discussed healthy eating last week, the Yahoo! people brought up the taco cleanse as a hot fad, to which Jen emphatically said, "WHAT?!” assuming you can say something in all caps.
Needless to say, she promptly Googled the book and ordered a copy. However, she'll have to wait like the rest of us non-Friends, as it's currently sold out online.
“I’m riveted [by the Taco Cleanse],” Aniston said. “I can see that being something.”
Indeed, as Tacocleanse.com points out, the prospect of annihilating tacos morning, noon, and night offers several benefits that will likely prove untrue:
- You will wake up in the morning with new enthusiasm when you know your day is going to start with a breakfast taco
- Your chakras will become realigned into an optimal taco pattern
- Your life will become more fun and you will make more friends while consuming the required margarita supplements on the plan
- Your sleep will improve as you begin to detox from the negative self images associated with other diet plans
OK, so that first one is probably true. But the idea that tacos will grow you a beard, help you conceive, or improve your contraceptives... well, they throw you off the scent of whether or not the Taco Cleanse is legit. But, if you consider that the taco can merely be a vehicle for cilantro, fresh vegetables, beans, and lean meats, you start to realize that's a helluva lot more personally sustainable way to eat healthy than, say, going Paleo or struggling through Whole30.
Obviously, you'll still need to count your calories and not just eat endless tacos, if you're going to lose weight. And the Taco Cleanse hasn't been rigorously tested yet, so its efficacy remains questionable.
But damn if counting taco calories doesn't sound a lot more palatable than counting alfalfa sprouts or glasses of lemon water.
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