The old "Simpsons" joke about the questionable provenance of hot dogs just took a turn for the worse: in fact, a lot of them contain not only low-quality meats, but also human DNA.
A recent study conducted by Clear Foods examined the contents of 345 hot dog samples from 75 brands distributed by 10 different retailers and found many had a combination of meats not listed on the label. For example, chicken, beef, and lamb were all found in samples that weren't supposed to include chicken, beef, or lamb. But it gets worse.
Pork was found in items listed as chicken or turkey sausages, meaning that those who don't eat pork for religious reasons were tricked into sinning by a dishonest tubular meat. But it gets worse.
A full 10% of vegetarian hot dogs were found to contain meat, so if that whole "meat is murder" rings true a bunch of vegans and vegetarians just sinned, too. They were probably cheating anyway, though that's more of a conscious choice. But it gets worse.
Now comes the real Silence of the Lambs shit. The study found human DNA in 2% of the meat samples, and in a whopping 66% of the vegetarian samples. No details on where that human DNA came from, or how it got there. But it's there. And that's enough to get you off hot dogs... at least until the next baseball season starts up.
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Kara King is a News Writer for Thrillist and knows in her heart this means Dodger Dogs have some serious human in them. Send news tips to firstname.lastname@example.org and follow her mourning process at @karatillie.