Ever come home from work, throw down your keys, and wish you could kick back with a nice, cold vagina-yeast beer? Neither have we. And yet, a Poland-based company is reportedly seeking funds to launch a new beer it claims will be brewed with bacteria sourced from a woman's vagina. That's right, folks: vagina beer.
As explained in a report by UPI, a company called The Order of Yoni has launched an IndieGoGo crowdfunding campaign to raise about $170,000 for the bizarre beverage, or "Bottled Instinct." Apparently, the beer is brewed with "lactic acid bacteria" sourced from the nether regions of Czech model Alexandra Brendlova, who can be seen in the company's marketing images. By the way, "Yoni" is a Sanskrit word for "vagina," according to the report. If all of the above doesn't make you cringe, here's the company's creepy description of its process:
"The secret of the beer lies in her vagina. Using hi-tech of microbiology, we isolate, examine and prepare lactic acid bacteria from vagina of a unique woman. The bacteria, lactobacillus, transfers woman’s features, allure, grace, glamour, and her instincts into beers and other products, turning them into a dance with lovely angel." Incidentally, these were the same words you heard before waking from a nightmare.
With April Fool's Day upon us, it's hard not to think this is an elaborate joke, but it appears the company has big plans even beyond an initial vagina beer. In fact, it plans to expand the concept to additional beer styles like lambics, sour stouts, and others. Gross. Each of the bottles will come with the added benefit of a being stamped with Brendlova's name and "the date of the collection of her vaginal swab" for good measure, per the UPI report. In case you're wondering, the company claims the beers won't feature any flavors or smells associated with vaginas.
Additionally, the company even includes a section on its website regarding safety, stating, "The crucial part of the project is to ensure the safety of the product. The procedures of isolation and preparation prevent other bacteria and viruses from surviving, providing the final product clean and healthy. In addition, we examine the final product on presence of other viruses and bacteria, the findings will be published on our website to make you completely sure it’s healthy." Well, in that case...
Make no mistake: we have nothing against vaginas. But part of us hopes we're indeed being fooled.
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Tony Merevick is Cities News Editor at Thrillist and is just gonna stick with wine for now, thanks. Send news tips to firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @tonymerevick.