There's plenty of harsh reality behind the magic that is Disney World -- don't eat the turkey legs -- but once you realize that mascots aren't magical creatures, but comically oversized costumes worn by sweaty theme park employees, you almost take pity on the underpaid twentysomethings.
But those theme park employees are full of salacious, heartwarming and occasionally downright insane stories, as a former Disney World worker who wore a Goofy costume for 25 years recently explained in a Reddit AMA.
If you were ever curious about the life of a theme park mascot, look no further, as Goofy dishes on every conceivable aspect of life as an enormous, anthropomorphic dog.
Yes, the costumes are ungodly hot
It has its ups and downs, just like any other job
Weirdos want to be choked or have their babies held in photos
Mascots have turf wars
The sting of being terminated left Goofy in shambles
Seeing 16 Mickeys in one room must be an omen for something grim
The good you can do makes the shitty times worth it
Goofy doesn't make Scrooge McDuck money
Mascots don't bang each other, even though everyone wishes they did
What the hell animal is Goofy, anyway?
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Sam Blum has never been to Disney World, but he has been to Disney Land about 1 million times. He enjoys Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Follow him @Blumnessmonster.