Because hell is real and we are in it, today the NY Daily News broke the horrifying tale of a homeowner in Queens who found out that an entire colony of bees had taken up residence under the house's outdoor deck. The hive turned out to be home to 40,000 bees, and took two hours to remove from an overhang beneath a second-story bedroom, where it had been buzzing so audibly that it could be heard through the floor.
Despite being utterly petrifying (especially if you're one of the roughly 225,000 New Yorkers who are allergic to bee stings), this story brings us two pieces of wonderful news. First: the expert responsible for identifying and removing the terror hive is a 20-year NYPD vet known as Tony Bees. That is a cool-ass nickname, and we should all feel relieved to be under the protection of such an indubitable American hero.
Second, my man Mister Bees was able to locate the colony's queen, meaning that the whole buzzing honey-making operation can be moved to a more sustainable location. This is excellent news, because as you've surely heard, the honey-making population is in dire straights these days. Ideally, that will be somewhere very far away from here.