Phil Stamper

When planning your all-out Vegas weekend requires professional assistance, would you consign your fate to a casino desk-jockey, or to a guy who offices at a topless pool? Exactly: Phil Stamper.

From his deck chair at Bare, this 8-year Vegas vet'll save you time, hassle, and bribe money by using connections built up as a VIP fixer for everyone from Luke Wilson, to Mark Cuban, to 40 NFL players in town for...an investment seminar? Standard services include brushing immediately past bouncers & ropes, VIP treatment at clubs (regular or strip), cheaper prices on bottle service, discounted luxury suites, and any transportation needs, from limo to party bus to a cab that'll roll up to Little Darlings, then whisk you straight to the airport after your all-nude breakfast lapdance. A baller-level upgrade can mean prime tables at fully booked restaurants, tickets to sold-out shows, tee times whenever and wherever, and lodging options usually set aside for the highest rollers -- like oil billionaires, or Siegfried (tough break, Roy).

Because Vegas means "business", Stamper's recently started taking on corporate clients, so if you're heading out, just ask your boss, "Would you consign my fate to a casino desk-jockey, or to a guy who offices at a topless pool?" You can always brush up your resume on the flight.