After spending $300 on premium jeans, it'd be crazy to swaddle your junk in underwear you heisted from a Red Cross donation box. Get superlative skivvies, with UnderWare selvage boxers.
A new outfit out of Portland, Ware's adopted the materials and techniques that've made premium denim a global phenomenon to create the "last pair of boxers you'll ever need" (possibly leaving stocking space for that Typhoon Hovercraft this Xmas). Ware cuts their classic boxer patterns out of the finest Tokyo selvage, woven on 1920s shuttle looms that produce fabric so unyielding and durable, they could prevent both your "million dollar wound", and if shot from the front, THE WORST WOUND EVER. Like with all selvage, the payoff comes after six months of uninterrupted day-and-night use, during which time the fabric molds to your business, and the dye runs out of now-softened stress points once finally washed -- potentially staining your junk, and leading your girlfriend to think you're having a tryst with Smurfette, just like every other smurfing smurf.