Make your Belmont an unmemorable one with our boozing cheatsheet

There's no more commendable way to lose your life savings than to gamble it away on a $2,000,000 beast. With that in mind, Thrillist presents our cheatsheet for this weekend's Belmont Stakes:

Dress: In the Clubhouse, official policy demands "proper attire," with "no abbreviated wear." There is also a welcome prohibition against "gentlemen's" tank tops. Elsewhere, the only requirements are footwear and something to cover your nipples.

Getting There: For mass transit, the LIRR out of Penn Station is the most convenient method. Or, you could fat cat it by driving

Getting Drunk: If you opt for the train, you should start guzzling on the way out, as the LIRR allows alcohol on their railcars. Once you're out there, Belmont Park has unfortunately banned all BYO-d alcohol during the Stakes under the dubious premise of "insuring patrons' safety." Nonetheless, you can get vended beers for $6, and wine and liquor are also available; your goal of drunkenly hijacking one of the track's mules will now be pricier, but still perfectly attainable.

Grabbing your seat: Most reserved seats were doled out by lottery in February, but last we checked, there were still limited numbers remaining. Reserved seats are also going on Ebay and Craig's List for about face value ($60-$110.) Another option is to call this ticket broker and mention Thrillist for 15% off their prices. General admission (only $10) is readily available, which you'll proudly share with members of the lowest moral rung of society and their teenage brides

Timing: Admission gates open at 8:30am, but post time for the first race isn't until noon. The Belmont, the only race anyone cares about, is the 11th race, and is slated to post at 6:38pm. The 13th and final race posts at 7:50pm -- 12 hours after you started binge drinking.

Betting: Thrillist suggests putting everything you have on a Race 13 trifecta. Not because we think you'll win, but because we want you to blame us when you lose: the more ragged, homeless madmen we have ranting about us, the faster our legend will grow.