Some things stir a man's soul so completely they need no explanation: sharks, Canadian bacon, and stuntmen. Since aspiring to become a bacon isn't feasible, try becoming a stuntman, at Hollywood Stunts, now accepting applications.
Founded by a 14-year stunt vet (Rounders, Law and Order, some Collective Soul video he can't remember), Bronx-based HS offers a slew of skills classes, all of them falling into the categories "fight" and "flight" (sorry, "Mature discussion of root issue" instinct). Basic sessions include fisticuffs, falling, and tumbling, while advanced lessons will school you in trampolines, fighting with jagged beer bottles, crashing through breakaway plastic, and falling from a 20-ft tower (you know, for escaping awkward conversation by defenestrating onto passing garbage scows). Classes run 9am to 5pm, covering either Sat/Sun or a four-day extended weekend, giving you enough time for your training to really take hold -- unlike Mickey Rourke's 2-Minute Abs.
Next spring, HS'll offer an intensive, 3-week course designed to help you turn your love of stunts into that least soul-stirring of things, a gainful career.