Our ironic fixation with ninjas has blinded us to a very real danger -- for even as some drone exclaims "I'm a Power Point ninja", real shadow warriors are preparing for battle on New York's streets. This ninj-pocalypse is the work of Muzosa Bujinkan Dojo, and they want you. Hidden among Chinatown's skilled artisans/creepy dried stuff vendors, MBD trains both novices and experts in Bujinkan Budo Taijiutsu -- hand-to-hand combat, plus weapons like katanas shuriken, and the double-bladed kyoketsu shoge (benignly translated by a Tang Dynasty publicist as "to run about in the fields and mountains"). Every October, these skills are put to the test in a grueling, 24hr wargame called The Campaign: one black-masked team is assigned a mystery mission that takes them all over NYC. Another team is scrambled to stop them; meetings result in epic battles set against exotic backdrops like PNC Kitchen Supplies, Inc. Spicing up the violence are rogue agents, i.e., last year's star: an assassin disguised as a hobo who stabbed all comers with a wooden knife (proving the most lethal killers are steeped not in mystery, but cat food). Dojo offers up to six two-hour classes per week for only $75 per month, freeing your mind of financial worries and allowing you to focus on another real-world ninja test: destroying your evil product manager with razor-sharp venetian blind presentation transitions.