Even after weeding out the "!!!"-addicted mercenaries who four-starred The Legend of Bagger Vance, it's tough to find movie tips from a critic who's both respectable and actually shares your tastes. Now you can, with Criticker. A free service, Criticker matches you with similarly-minded, bona fide reviewers using its proprietary Taste Compatibility Index (the same Index that determined both you and Ebert enjoy bacon). Begin by assigning movies scores from 1 to 100; after you've rated around 50, the TCI'll spit back go-to guys whose preferences align so closely with yours, you'll have to pierce your nipples just to reclaim your individuality. Now armed, you'll know whose columns to read, and'll never be forced to ask yourself the question "Why did I see Why Did I Get Married?, and who the hell is Tyler Perry?" If you're more interested in layman opinion, Criticker can also match your tastes with other site users -- unqualified opinion-meisters, but certainly no worse than Wireless Magazine's Earl Dittman, who once gushed over an Angela Bassett/Taye Diggs flick: "Now that you've Exhaled, it's time to Groove!" Indeed it is.