There's a new reality show in the works, and it promises to fulfill the dream of every man who's ever had a job -- by providing a legal forum for the kicking of a coworker's ass. Almost everything's in place to make this thing happen, except You. Sign up for Office Fight. The brainchild of NYC's Red Line Films, Office Fight is...awesome: every week, the producers'll take two coworkers who don't much like each other and prepare them to take their animosity from the break room to the boxing ring. Right now, they're searching for pilot combatants, which is where you come in:
- Email Red Line the name of the person you'd like to maim, and why; beefs can be work-related ("He screwed me for a promotion") or personal (same verb, different object?).
- Red Line'll come into your office for two days to film you challenging your opponent, and shoot background material capturing the stirring melodrama/stolen French Vanilla creamer behind the dispute.
- You'll train for two weeks with a professional pugilist, helping you master techniques like the jab/cross combo, the peek-a-boo stance, and the rare-but-effective defense "Lumbergh's Mug".
- You will brawl: 3 rounds, either in a gym, or at your office, assuming there's space, and assuming your company's insurance adjuster is Don King's House of Claims, Appraisals, and TKO Suckah.
To spice up the bludgeoning, the fighters are also asked to make a side bet (involving shame, not cash). Judges'll be selected from among your coworkers -- so if someone erroneously declares you the loser on points, it'll lead to a ratings-dominating cycle of coworker violence for seasons to come. *