Deep in our murky past, mixtapes were the weapon of choice for accomplishing any and all adolescent missions, from "Pump Me Up!" (Quiet Riot/Whitesnake) to "Pleeease Go Out With Me, Jamie" (Tori Amos/Other Whitesnake). Gentlemen, they've rebuilt it: the Cassette MP3 Player, the world's first bionic mixtape. Straight outta China, the CMP's an mp3 player in cassette form that'll play in any tape deck, whether it's a duct-taped ghetto blaster or your '86 IROC's Audiovox Elite. To use, just slot an mp3-filled SD card, charge through your USB2 hookup, and pop the CMP in; you're then good to go until your 16 "D" batteries fail/your faulty exhaust sends you to a place soundtracked exclusively by Blind Melon's Shannon Hoon. With a headphone jack and button controls, the CMP also doubles as a standalone portable player, so you can share your sizzling mixes with tape-deck-less friends, or people too young to remember what tape decks are
Of course, with so many missions to accomplish these days, one CMP won't do it -- luckily, China offers a bulk discount, so everyone in your life be can aurally enriched: from "Promotion Time Mania!" for your boss, to "I'm Leaving and I'm Taking the Dog", for Jamie.