Food & Drink

Alnoor Halal Meat Market

A few weeks back, a certain devilishly handsome email newsletter ran an April Fool's story about a service that'd slaughter livestock in their client's bathtubs. That was a cruel joke, this is not (seriously): the Alnoor Halal Meat Market.

The AHMM is a cramped Brooklyn market where patrons may purchase various breeds of still-living livestock, then have them "prepared" in-house. For obvious practical reasons chickens are available (in three varieties), but you can also opt for a lamb, goat, or calf -- herds of which are kept in pens like adoptable puppies you can use in stews. Once you make your selection, the staff'll take it in back and introduce it to its Maker, in whom the animal will cease to believe shortly before it becomes an ingredient. You can even watch the dirty work through a small window, then hang your head in shame when a cleaver'd butcher looks up and peers in disgust directly into your voyeuristic, cowardly soul.

Afterwards, you can haul your still-warm prize back to your kitchen, or take it next door and have someone grill it up -- because if there's one thing more alarming than watching someone slaughter your dinner, it's having to cook it yourself.