Food & Drink

Gaucho Steak Co.

There's no more succulent treat than the knowledge that somewhere there's an idiot paying thrice as much for the same meal. Here to beef up that feeling: Gaucho Steak Co., opening Tuesday.

Helmed by Calle Ocho's Alex Garcia and styled like an Argentine cattle ranch, GSC's a casual, 30-seat steakhouse with a menu that tops out at $20 -- the rib eye only costs a Jackson, while the steak sandwich'll run you whoever's on the $8 bill. Similarly affordable non-bovine options include a porterhouse pork chop w/chorizo and seafood empanadas, or go with the Combination: skirt steak, short ribs, and the most delicious of thymus-based dishes, the sweetbread. Furthering your savings, most entrées come w/ two sides, expunging from your receipt any evidence of having ordered vegetables. The wine markups are reasonable as well -- even if they're drinking, the owners say two people can escape for $50-$60 total, including epically unnecessary desserts you can give to a homeless man for protecting your car.

Conveniently, GSC also offers business catering and apartment delivery -- so you can mock other men's stupidity from the comfort of your own couch, even as you accidentally double order Let's Go to Prison on Pay-Per-View.