There's no more succulent treat than the knowledge that somewhere there's an idiot paying thrice as much for the same meal. Here to beef up that feeling: Gaucho Steak Co., opening Tuesday.
Helmed by Calle Ocho's Alex Garcia and styled like an Argentine cattle ranch, GSC's a casual, 30-seat steakhouse with a menu that tops out at $20 -- the rib eye only costs a Jackson, while the steak sandwich'll run you whoever's on the $8 bill. Similarly affordable non-bovine options include a porterhouse pork chop w/chorizo and seafood empanadas, or go with the Combination: skirt steak, short ribs, and the most delicious of thymus-based dishes, the sweetbread. Furthering your savings, most entrées come w/ two sides, expunging from your receipt any evidence of having ordered vegetables. The wine markups are reasonable as well -- even if they're drinking, the owners say two people can escape for $50-$60 total, including epically unnecessary desserts you can give to a homeless man for protecting your car.
Conveniently, GSC also offers business catering and apartment delivery -- so you can mock other men's stupidity from the comfort of your own couch, even as you accidentally double order Let's Go to Prison on Pay-Per-View.