Fancy Foosball

As you mature, it's no longer appropriate to shotgun cheap beer in a parking lot -- now, you shotgun fine Belgian ale in the comfort of your living room. So, now it's time to buy some grownup toys, like RS-Barcelona's high-end foosball table. Designed by home and office decor specialist Rafael Rodriguez this stainless steel monster's elegant design will keep even the most pompous idiot from sneering at your permanently adolescent decorating taste. Each little figure is precisely handcrafted, giving them an eerie realism even though their torsos are being skewered by a giant rod. Both ends of the table are replete with drink holders, so you can enjoy your performance-enhancing beverage of choice while perfecting one-handed bank shots. And the table's all-weather, so it can be put on your porch, deck, or, if you're feeling insecure about your neighbor's new Corvette, your driveway. The RS may be expensive, but fine craftsmanship usually is, especially when it's this durable: it won't corrode or warp even if left outside during a hurricane. Plus, the drink holders eliminate the need to buy kitchen or dining room tables and other superfluous furniture people purchase when they're pretending to be grownups.