Your sister, best friend, or wife just had a baby. Your #1 concern as you confront this life-changing event: How can I make sure the little teetsucker grows up to be a rabid fan of my college alma mater?
The answer: Team Baby DVDs, an innovative brainwashing tool used to foster collegiate allegiance in toddlers 5 months and up
All you do is plop the baby down in front of the television and inundate their young synapses with spectacular highlights, campus fight songs, dancing mascots, and, most importantly, peer pressure: other babies decked out in school colors and team gear, playing with a variety of team products
Take TB's "Bama Baby", featuring Tide mascot, "Big Al", an over-caffeinated elephant decked out in a crimson sweater, frolicking to the "Yea Bama!" rally cry. Initially this may seem like therapy fuel for the toddler, but soon enough junior wil be sporting a Bear Bryant fedora and shouting out "Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer" while still spitting up white goop on the couch. In addition to 'Bama, TB has 18 other team DVDs to overwhelm a young child's life, including perennial powerhouses like Notre Dame, Kentucky, Texas, and Florida. Any of these educational films will ensure devoted fandom, and, just as importantly, make Saturday afternoons miserable for future girlfriends and wives.