Even with summer approaching, you're still trotting out excuses for not joining a gym, from "I hate initiation fees" to "I already know martial arts from watching 21 Jump Street". TV kung fu aside, from May 22-26, Equinox is making your financial excuses moot.
Sign up now, and Equinox'll waive your initiation fee altogether, a value of up to $525 -- so by mid-beach season, your taut pectorals will more than compensate for your sagging wit. Once signed up, you'll get every body-enhancing amenity this side of on-site hair-plugging: cutting-edge workout and spa equipment, personal trainers with 150 hours schooling in kinesiology and anatomy, and 900+ classes ranging from yoga to boxing to Brazilian body surfing. Just as importantly, the setting befits a full-grown man, with Italian tiles, wood floors, stainless steel staircases, and toiletry-stocked locker rooms kept immaculate by a dedicated staff -- if you need filth for inspiration, go wrestle sea lions at Fisherman's Wharf.