Just because you need a vacation doesn't mean you're ready to give up NYC's glitz, excitement, and fruitless pursuit of women in clubs. Transplant the good bits of your current lifestyle to the tropics at Paradise Island's Cove Atlantis -- opening March 28, taking reservations now.
The Cove's essentially the Atlantis' Phase III development: 600 ocean-view suites, each equipped with a bar, two flat screens, a Bose sound system, a laptop, wireless, and an oversized tub to shudder in when you realize you fear the ocean. At your disposal will be a high-end spa, the Caribbean's biggest casino, and AURA -- a new 7000 sq ft nightclub from the PURE guys, accessed by a two-story blue-glass staircase you'll almost certainly tumble to the bottom of. Daytime imbibing revolves around Cain at the Cove: an adult-only pool, bar/concierge service, and rentable poolside/beachside cabanas so amenity-stocked, you'll wonder why you bothered renting a suite. Most outstandingly, there'll also be poolside blackjack and craps -- with your skills, you can surely pay for your trip, and for your last tragically incompetent trip to Vegas.
Of course, your stay doesn't have to be nonstop vice. For non-alcoholic thrills, hit the 163-acre Aquaventure park, where a slide'll drop you straight down 50ft into a glass-walled pool, itself surrounded by a lagoon filled w/ alligator gar -- hideous prehistoric fish who will teach you the meaning of irony when, despite your obvious lack of interest, they fruitlessly pursue you for lunch.