Flying's enough of a chore waiting around for security to determine you're not a madman, or a bearded madwoman. What you need's an airport Fast Pass: Clear.
Just arriving in the Bay Area, Clear's a nationwide pre-screening program that lets you zip past luckless fellow passengers and head straight for your gate. Sounds like a fantasy inspired by the very substances security routinely confiscates, but it's real: join, and get a fingerprint-authorized card granting access to a X-ray-equipped VIP security checkpoint, staffed by an attendant who won't prejudge you as a threat, or even as a nuisance. Instead of languishing in line behind doddering retirees in "Property of Alcatraz Federal Prison" t-shirts, you'll breeze through -- so you can depart much later for the airport, or show up at the normal time and still leisurely browse the newsstand/devour a 3lb sack of Gummy Tarantulas.
To enroll, just pre-register at FlyClear.com, then head to either the SFO or San Jose airport for an in-person once-over. Once you're approved, you can use Clear in an ever-increasing number of cities -- so all that'll stand between you and maximum pre-flight efficiency is your inability to travel without an RPG-sized tube of Face Nair.