Only one thing can dampen a man's enthusiasm for warm weather: horrifying flashbacks to moments when he touched (or worse: drank) a tepid, frothy beer. Thankfully, Coors Light's latest innovation has eliminated this pitfall, with the Cold Activated Bottle label.
While Coors Light delivers a frost-brewed taste, science can still enhance Colorado cool (just as it has your own cool, via a chin/butt/calf implant). Enter the Cold Activated Bottle: a longneck with a special dye on the label that changes color based on how cold the beer is -- technology similar to the Hypercolor shirts that once betrayed your steaming armpits as an adolescent. The result? Majestic mountains that turn blue when your beer's cold, giving you the go-ahead to slake a thirst you'll acquire by having to explain the nuances of "temperature-sensitive dyes" to your uninitiated friends at bars and barbeques.
Though it's normal to want to shout news like this from the rooftops, keeping this technological marvel to yourself'll provide you with a parlor trick to wow friends: the ability to spot cold beer from across the room. It's a sixth sense that'll leave them grateful, amazed, and willing to believe the claim that you also have dog-caliber hearing -- a curse that enables you to pick up even the faintest gagging noise from those sad saps still stuck drinking warm beer.