Lab Series

Despite your clandestine dabbling with your girlfriend's tubes of floral goo, you're failing to provide your presumably male skin with what it needs. Instead, clean up with Lab Series.

Lab Series' dermatological obsessives understand the distinctly specific needs of a man's biggest organ, his...dermis. Their high-performance, technologically advanced skincare, hair, and shaving essentials are exactingly concocted to negate the ill effects of your various vices -- like thirty-minute showers, boozing, and penultimate fighting. No matter what your damage, LS's got you covered:

  • Oil Control Face Wash: a liquid-to-foam formula that cleanses your grill and combats that dreaded video-store-clerk shine
  • Smooth Shave Oil: emollient-rich to soften the beard and prevent razor burn -- even in dime-bag amounts -- enabling Boitano-caliber gliding across your face/shoulders
  • Daily Moisture Defense Lotion SPF 15: protects you from UV rays, smoke, pollution, and anything else that'd help produce that leathery-fisherman look that terrified you as a boy
  • Nutriplexx Hair and Scalp Protector SPF 8: for a stronger coat, and healthier sheen -- increasing the likelihood of treats when you successfully perform tricks

Mix & match products for that all-over non-zombie feel online at -- without embarrassing your greasy ass in public -- and get free stuff for every $50 you spend. You can also enter to win a RoBag messenger/laptop bag stuffed with six months worth of LS goodness customized for you. It'll handsome you up to the point that you can clandestinely dabble in even more girls' tubes.

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Lab Series Online, 767 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10153