Tucker Max/Maddox

Straining your mind and sphincter simultaneously is horrible, which is why it's best to avoid bathroom reading that actually makes you think. This summer, update your musty library with easily digestible new titles from Tucker Max and Maddox, pioneers of Penis Lit.

You probably know Tucker Max as the Internet's biggest bastard -- a man whose tales of drunken fornication are only outdone by his episodes of berserker-style vomiting. Now Max has compiled I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, a memoir of his disturbing past: getting tricked by a spurned girlfriend into thinking he had Chlamydia, getting tackled by a Vegas bouncer while not wearing pants, and possibly having sex with a man.

If you're not familiar, Maddox is the Prince of unapologetic diatribe, renowned for essays like "How to Spot a Pedophile", "I Am Better Than Your Kids", and "My Balls Are Huge". His just-released The Alphabet of Manliness breaks down Y-chromosomal essentials by letter: F is for Female Wrestling, I is for Irate, and J is for Beef Jerkey -- though if Maddox got out more BJ might stand for something entirely different.

Both of these authors are indeed going to hell for their noxious offensiveness. Then again, you're the one with poop coming out of you.