The Fine Art of John McLane

It's hard to find art that speaks to your many personal paradoxes -- tough yet vulnerable, wryly fatalistic yet willing to kill to survive, brutally handsome yet balding, etc. Fresh off watching Bruce Willis' John McClane save Nakatomi Plaza, John McLane's John McLane is here to rescue your walls from barrenness

John McLane's an NYC everyman and portraitist whose latest series, The Shotgun Project, incorporates the twin icons of 80s action -- Mr. T and, of course, Yuletide hero John McClane (the almost-namesake John McLane decided to honor after hearing that some beautiful fool was producing Die Hard IV). By merely tackling these loin-resonating subjects, John McLane takes art off its pedestal, but goes a step further: he also hauls the art out to the Connecticut woods and fills it full of lead. Standing far enough away to pepper without destroying, John McLane will unload a shotgun into, say, a canvas depicting Holly Gennaro-McClane's estranged husband, crawling through an airshaft towards a sneering-yet-doomed Hans Gruber. Seriously

As with any up-and-coming artist, investing in a John McLane isn't a casual decision. But if you're interested in a commission (a portrait of your girlfriend, a portrait of you to give to your girlfriend), he'll work with you on price, even if it means scrawling out a likeness on a takeout menu for $50. A shotgunned painting is obviously pricier, but if a perforated likeness of an ex is what it'll take to tie together your apartment -- and your warring soul -- it's worth it.