Food & Drink

Your dream come true, in bar form

If you designed a bar, it would boast a fantasy lineup of "Really Big Beers! Robot Pterodactyls! Slip & Slide!" -- and would immediately collapse into smoking ruin. Leave the dreaming to the professionals, with Happy Ending. The boozy dream of a group of people including former Mint chef Matthew Gladstone (now HE's exec-chef), this massive ode to gratification rests upon the three pillars of bar awesomeness. The happy hour's a Sajak-ian mother lode: a wheel-of-inebriation's spun hourly, landing on either drink specials ($3 Blow Jobs, $4 Red-Headed Sluts...) or the buzz-killing "F*%$! Off" (sadly, not your response when cheap sluts offer you cheaper head). The menu's ambitious without abandoning G-Stone's be-stooled roots, with Ahi Fish & Chips listed alongside the Kobe Burger (a Mint holdover whose juiciness was rivaled only by the revelation that James Blunt sits to pee). For entertainment, there're 30 flatscreens, plus weekly bands/events, e.g. a service industry night that Gladstone jokes is for "restaurateurs and hookers" -- and you know how crazy restaurateurs get. Even the parking lot's a vision of excellence, hosting four annual block parties starting with a live music'd Oktoberfest. There's also free parking, but only during the day, as the slippery slide of free nighttime parking would be the dream that broke the pterodactyl-bot's back.