Knowing what to pair with spur-of-the-moment gorgings requires either a nuanced understanding of wine, or a clairvoyant prophecy of your future gluttonies. For you non-sommelier, non-psychics: get instant answers with eWine Match
Rolled out this week, eWine Match is an expert-compiled food-and-wine database you tap via text message, much like your many beautiful ladies, only not a lie. Just send your meal's key ingredient or cuisine type to 411-511 and the system'll process and prioritize the food's dominant flavors and proteins -- or lack thereof, if you're looking to wash down a bag of Skittles. Moments after sending your request, you'll get back three compatible bottles, whether it's an Australian Cab for steak tartare, or an NV chardonnay for fried chicken livers (alternative pairing: the statement "chicken livers are gross, don't order them").
Most of the suggestions are readily available and inexpensive (under $20), so neither failure to plan nor poverty will stand between you and looking like you know what you're doing -- though removing those obstacles won't matter when you fail to augur no one showing up to meet you.