Grandma's Chicken Soup

When it's cold and you're feeling sorry for yourself, no amount of industrial vat-made soup'll tempt you down off that ledge. Enter Grandma's Chicken Soup

A grandmother to six, Janice "Bubby" Poritzky cooks up her goods with all the TLC of a Jewish grandmother (minus the pro-marriage guilt-tripping that might have got her 1/2 dozen grandkids). Her age-old family recipe blends Grade A chicken, fresh vegetables, noodles, and, for those ready to step up to the real, optional matzo balls. Because the flash-frozen half-gallons are all-natural, you can only order between Monday and Wednesday -- otherwise, you'd get a steaming bowl of Grandma's Chicken Dysentery

For those in need of a higher level of granny TLC, GCS offers personal delivery. A few days' notice and $1,625 (plus travel and expenses) will bring to your door a green-apron'd grandmother, laden with her own deliciousness. Just don't keep her too long: No amount of soup will assuage the pain of going to prison for oldster-napping.