Travel

Crystal Adventure Cruises

Despite the promise of food, booze, sun, and pants-free cabin hopping, cruises are generally a monotony of shuffleboard and the rotting old men who love it. But Crystal Adventure Cruises is a new breed of boating travel. Already consistently rated the best large-ship line by monocle'd readers of luxe travel mags, Crystal's adventure packages (debuting this summer) offer doses of thrill to offset mini-umbrella'd, poolside sloth. Sign on, and you'll sail around Europe, disembarking to partake in a rich medley of activities that'll have your heart working harder than if you'd stayed on board for a 6th trip to the sundae bar. Extreme ports of call include:

  • Test-driving Porsches around the factory's racetrack. They provide the cars, you provide the accompanying discussion of cardigans vs. ascots
  • Streaking over Moscow in a MiG fighter, resisting the suicidal urge to "buzz the Kremlin"
  • Racing speedboats around the Baltic -- which, because you're flush with $200 after passing GO, you will haplessly attempt to build a hotel on

Though the cruises leave from ports in Europe, all charges are in U.S. dollars, saving you the fleecing of Euro markups. And should the thrill-a-second experiences leave you wanting more, back on board you can play high-stakes games of shuffleboard, hustling cabin-hopping codgers for their ED drugs.