After this weekend's festivities, you likely look, smell, and taste like a crumpled Guinness can half-full of cigarette butts. Cure all that with a Hangover Helper Set
Drawing on vast toiletry expertise, the Grooming Lounge has assembled their HHS to provide exactly what the suffering partier requires (short of defibrillation). Each kit contains
Nickel Morning After Rescue Gel: a new caffeine- and menthol-infused face treatment -- like an espresso+tooth-brushing without the needless effort of opening your mouth
Menaji 911 Eye Gel: reduces the darkened puffiness of "I drank until 6AM" eyes to professionalism-exuding "I drank until 4AM" eyes
Supersmile Mouthrinse: according to their on-site testimonials, Kelly Ripa, Jimmy Fallon, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog all use it to eradicate their dog-ass breath
Molton Brown Re-Charge Black Pepper Body Wash: a spicy, circulation-boosting cleanser beloved by the binge-drinker and discriminating cannibal alike
Bought individually, the HHS would cost more than a Benjamin, so opt for the package (also comes with bonus aspirin) -- it's a deal on par with the buy-three-get-one-free green Zimas that got you here in the first place.