NanoNuno Umbrella

April showers bring May flowers -- which you'll uproot in a rage due to your still soaking umbrella ceaselessly dripping water into your shoes. No more, with the NanoNuno.

In their continuing commitment to non-military technology, Swiss researchers have unlocked the secret of the lotus, whose microscopically rough surface causes water to bead and run off its leaves. Having replicated this quality, the NanoNuno's 38in canopy easily repels rain, dirt, piss, and blood with a quick, crying-baby-style shaking. Further differentiating it from $5, mist-rated jobbies, the NN's high-quality construction and materials are built to withstand the kind of monsoon-caliber conditions one may count on only when he's in Thailand, or has planned a BBQ

Though this sort of perfect post-rain dryness doesn't come cheap, the cost includes a 3-year warranty, covering anything short of the classic umbrella-killer: leaving it at the bar. But so long as you keep it within blurry sight at all times, only your poor urinal aim poses the remaining risk for sopping wet socks.