While their overuse is a prime indicator of soft-headedness, periodic rocking of "party pants" conveys that you're a cool guy, completely at ease with yourself even when passed out in a pool of your own sputum. For the ultimate in the category, turn to the ultimate party sport: Loudmouth Golf clothing. Drawing inspiration from "the decade that made golf fashion great", LMG's are part country club, part drinking trouser -- a hybrid super-pant so offensively leisure-full that wearing them is a sport unto itself. The glorious monstrosities come in a myriad of oversized prints (argyle, plaid, stripes, polka dot, stripes, houndstooth) culminating in an homage to Rodney Dangerfield: a barf-colored madras so heinous, it'll make other people's eyes bulge out of their Mellons. All the models offer stretchy, 97% cotton/3% spandex comfort, and come in two cuts: The European, which cups the buttocks and flares at the cuff (comes in sizes 30-36), and The American (sizes 30-42), which acknowledges that some buttocks are uncuppable. All the pants are available as shorts, and can be held up with spanking LMG belts; better still, matching sport coats are on the way -- allowing you to be completely at ease at a formal party, even if no one else is.