Travel

Gator Hunt

Killing deer just doesn't impress people like it used to. If you really want to prove you deserve to pee standing up, it's time to bag some Florida alligators. Located in the eastern swamplands, H and H Gatorland organizes hunting packages that'll pit you against the hundreds of child-swallowing behemoths that infest their private canals. They offer day hunts, where you'll perch along the shoreline and pick off gators with a hunting rifle. Or night hunts, where you'll bob on the murky waters in an airboat and stealthily slay the beasts using either bow and arrow or harpoon. Yes, a harpoon. As soon as you book your trip, HHG's experts will scout out gators for you. The average prize is about 10ft long and you're almost guaranteed to get one. Not that it's going to be easy: HHG emphasizes that these leviathans will do everything possible to avoid getting iced by a feeble mammal like yourself -- including eating your boat. For a few hundred extra bucks you can get the meat from your catch and have the gator's head mounted -- the perfect decoration for the closet of a problematic child. But remember, stay sharp, or it could be your head that ends up hanging on some alligator's wall.