Go Stuff Yourself

Ravenous for aorta-bursting regional cuisine? Now, from the comfort of your own vibrating chair, you can take a gustatory adventure to places where grease is a deity and gastronormous portions rule.

Philadelphia: $80+ at TasteofPhilly.comIf you dream of torpedo roll-shaped clouds and Cheez Wiz waterfalls, the options at TOP are perfection. Their mix-and-match packages feature hoagies, pretzels softer than breasts, and Tastykake armies that'll amass in your love handles, then fire fat missiles at North Korea

Chicago: $60+ at TasteOfChicago.comPrepare your nostrils for the enchanting fragrance of Windy City cased meat. Embrace the majesty of Vienna hot dogs, cheesecakes made with angel's wings, and pizza from dishes so deep, they collect the lost souls of men named Giusseppe.

Florida: $100+ at Billy's Stone Crab ClawsSet up the hammock in the bathroom, plant palm trees in the kitchen, and hang Jimmy Buffet's head on the wall. Then you'll have the perfect setting for dining on mighty stone crab claws, conch chowder, and Key lime pie good enough to make love to in the shower

All these delicacies can be ready in no time. But be sure to cherish these journeys of the stomach, because after ingestion, the post-meal catatonia will keep you bed-bound for months.