European Brewery River Cruise Tour

Tours of the Old World can be a yawn-a-minute drudgery of castles, cathedrals, and other desolate structures haunted by the musty ghosts of short, dead people. Enter the European Brewery River Cruise Tour

This spring, Civilization of Beer founder Samuel Merritt is pirating a floating luxury hotel to cart quaffers down the Danube (the Mississippi of Europe, minus the soulful blues and toothlessness). Over 11 days, you'll hit up the oldest and most prestigious breweries (like Ayinger, Krah Krah, and Dreher) in Germany, Austria, and Hungary -- the cradle of world wars, pointy helmets, and premium suds. You'll come away with your head/liver crammed with more than 500 years of hoppy history, upping your understanding of alcohol and the amount of money you'll have to spend to maintain your new and annoying addiction to Ottakringer Zwickl

Though this blurry sojourn's focused on ferment, you'll still get to feign appreciation of cultural landmarks, including the Palace in Vienna and some Benedictine Abbey. But luckily, though these architectural sites define the lame Eurotrip, you'll be so drunk, they'll all look incredibly hot.