Until recently, when Thrillist thought of the pain, stank and general grossness that results from flesh-against-flesh friction, we'd get so horribly depressed that we'd strip down, chug grain alcohol and cry hysterically. Fortunately for our roommates, we've discovered Friction Zone, a new, super-potent athletic cream from Brave Soldier. From what we understand, Brave Soldier was founded by clinically insane mountain bikers. These lunatics designed Friction Zone for seriously beastly outdoor activities, e.g. triathlons, and naked bullriding. Put simply, if Gold Bond and Friction Zone were locked in a cell together, Friction Zone would make Gold Bond its prison ho. We know what you're thinking: "I am a fat, lazy bastard who enjoys eating pre-made frosting right out of the tub. Why would I need a product like Friction Zone?" If you're anything like Thrillist, though, you're probably dealing with a lot more friction than you think. For instance:
- Scouting out bars on foot all across Manhattan. It used to leave us with a crippling case of swamp ass.
- Incessant fiendish hand-rubbing. The resulting painful blisters made any plot to bulldoze low-income housing a total drag.
- Riding the subway. We have a massive frotteurism* problem, which all too often caused unsightly chafing.
Basically, if you're even a little active, this stuff can save your ass.For these reasons and more, friction is something we refuse to accept. If getting rid of it means throwing $16 towards the deadly hobbies of a bunch of masochistic extreme sports junkies, it's a price we'll gladly pay.