Thrillist takes alcohol for granted. We drink it far too quickly, usually wrapped in a paper bag, and sometimes mixed in a garbage can. We buy yards of daiquiris, which we use to bribe skanky women into fondling us. Sometimes, though, we feel compelled to pay proper homage to the wonderful substance that's ruined our life. We pay our respects at Little Branch, Milk and Honey's new brother cocktail lounge in the West Village.
Little Branch is the ultimate place to reaffirm the sanctity of booze. It's stashed in a hard-to-locate, speakeasy-style basement, so your "religious experience" won't be disturbed by hordes of rum and coke-drinking goons. The uniformed bartenders mix Sidecars and Aviations with a reverence that makes Thrillist tremble. If you're new to Prohibition-style consumption, they'll find you the right cocktail by asking a few simple questions: "gin or whiskey?" "sweet or tart?" "why are you sweating so heavily?"
We see several uses for Little Branch
Monday-Tuesday: Bring secretary to see 1920's style live piano player. Afterwards, sleep with her.
Wednesday-Thursday: Host intimate celebration of your many accomplishments.
Friday-Saturday: Down entire cocktail list. Remind staff and shocked onlookers why Prohibition existed in the first place.
Sunday: Get plastic surgery. Hope bartenders don't recognize you on Monday
By lauding Little Branch, Thrillist isn't saying you should retire your beer funnel (FYI: ours is called "The Debaser"). We're just suggesting you go 4-5 times a week. So, show some love to the dearly departed who made your alcohol addiction possible. Without them, you'd probably be addicted to something far less delicious.