Thrillist abhors protection. We bike the FDR without a helmet. We only use seatbelts to restrain people we've kidnapped. When we skydive, we just assume there will either be a bale of hay or an open-air breast implant factory waiting for us on the ground. The form of protection Thrillist detests most? The condom, because it takes away all the feeling during "love-making". But while we don't enjoy buying them, we do believe in protecting this sadly necessary investment. Our device of choice is the stainless steel condom box from Alessi. Alessi's box holds a single condom (small, medium, large, Magnum or Darryl Strawberry), thereby helping us overcome the double-bagging habit we developed while touring Southeast Asia*. Whereas wallets tend to crease and chafe condoms, the box maintains the structural integrity of both condom and wrapper. The box also prevents body heat from disintegrating the latex, which occurs when the condom is stored in the wallet, hip pocket, or on your junk. The uses for the condom box are limited only by your own fevered imagination:
- It prevents jimmy-hat theft.
- It keeps gold-digging girlfriends and prankster roommates from perforating your condom with "baby's daddy" holes.
- It makes casual hookups feel like they're receiving a "special condom" -- an illusion you can quickly dispel by pulling out your condom jug to refill your Alessi.
Don't assume our condom box usage means Thrillist is going soft. We still plan to ski naked on Vermont hard-pack and bow hunt black bears after having bathed in gravy. We just want to be comfortable knowing that, when they pull our dismembered limbs out of that wheat thresher, our condoms will still be in perfect condition to hand down to our many illegitimate sons.