Uber Tap Ultimate Cocktail

With the last round of summer parties approaching, dispense your latest garbage can cocktail in the most efficient manner possible. With the Uber Tap Ultimate Cocktail, you and your guests will enjoy keg-like convenience coupled with the terrifying potency of homemade punch

The UTUC system comes in two parts: a refillable plastic keg and an Uber Tap*. The keg comes in 5, 15, or 30 liter sizes. The tap screws on to the top of the bottle and pressurizes the contents via pneumatic foot pump. Thanks to super-complicated gasketry only a MENSA plumber could grasp, the UTUC ensures steady liquid flow and limits embarrasing tap burps. It also has three functioning nozzles -- a great way to promote mingling or to make your three-armed bartender feel useful and normal.

The UTUC's a little expensive, but considering it's reusable you'll be able to inflict a lifetime's worth of Tazmanian Punch poisoning at all future shindigs.

*Any of the various Uber taps listed on the site will work for the UTUC.