If you're cursed with noxious stank, your options are to baste yourself in chemicals or lose your friends in a putrid cloud of your own waftings. Escape this cruel dilemma with Kill It Dead De-Funkifier all-natural deodorant.
From the creator of Chicken Poop lip balm, Kill It Dead was concocted for Kirk Rundstrom, a hard-living musician infamous for having funk of the non-musical variety. The spray's formula is a wholesomely simple concoction of tea tree oil (a powerful antiseptic), witch hazel, and distilled water. Though it produces a nostril-singeing effect when sniffed directly, just a few squirts to the noisesome regions will nullify even donkey-caliber odor -- whether you've developed it from hours in a stifling van, skipping a shower, or skipping all showers while living in a stifling van.
As a karmic bonus, when you buy a bottle of De-Funkifier a percentage of the sale goes to help Kirk (whose image graces the label) and his family in his battle with esophageal cancer. Because lately, it's not only your pits that have been smelling -- it's also your soul.