When you want spotlight-rocking glory despite an utter dearth of talent, there's no better medium than karaoke. If even karaoke reveals that your vocal stylings fall pitifully short of "utter dearth," sign up for Lip Synch Big Stink 4.
From the founders of the "Rock, Paper, Scissors Rumble" comes another opportunity to elevate stupid, must-wear-helmet childhood pastimes into ferocious competition. To throw your hat in the ring, sign up online, then spend the rest of the week locked in your room with your song on repeat -- like middle school, with slightly fewer pimples. On the big night, the second phase of preparation begins: $1 Dewars 'til 11pm. Ultimately your ersatz effort'll be judged by 3 local comics, who'll weigh lyrical accuracy, move originality, and scotch-odor-toxicity before deciding who'll walk away with $100 in prize money. Yes, $100.
After the dust settles, take a note from the pros: minimalist-rockers Future America will play a non-Synched set, hopefully including the shockingly overlooked "Sex Yurt" -- an ode to fornicators who must forgo hotel rooms in favor of tent-like structures because they suffer from an utter dearth of $100.