Rattle-N-Roll Invites

Whether you need bachelor party invites or notices of your impending parole, another lame Evite will only earn you well-deserved scorn. Instead, get a publicity package from Rattle-N-Roll.com.

Rattle-N-Roll specializes in birth announcements done up like '60s concert posters, but they'll also give the star treatment to any subject you choose -- even if the subject isn't the fruit of your groin. Simply send in a 2+ megapixel image of your would-be rock god, and graphic artist Ryan Loyko will combine big, bold lettering with personalized psychedelic imagery to create customized invitations celebrating your buddy, girlfriend, or inappropriately lusty pit bull. 10-to-12 business days later you'll receive fifty 8.5"x5.5" handbill-style invites (plus envelopes). Think: the Stones at the Roxy! Hendrix at the Fillmore! Your Moody Roommate at the Weird Musty Bowling Alley

Your $250 will also get you two 11"x17" posters, ideal for hanging outside the bar/strip club/skating rink you've rented out. Both the invites and the signs will make for excellent keepsakes, too -- far better than a printout of a moose drinking a martini and the email nicknames of 50 people who didn't bother to reply.