March of the Mighty Turducken

Feasting on a holiday Turducken is a poultrylicious rainbow of flavor, but the gory, Civil War-surgery-style prep can leave you with an innard-spatterd kitchen that'll spook any appetite. You're in luck: delivers the fully assembled meatish Thanksgiving brute to your doorstep

CMeats is the online home of Louisiana's hallowed La Boucherie, which specializes in these near-mythical bird-in-bird-in-birds. Each dead, feathered friend is flayed and de-boned, its blood and entrails replaced with delicious homemade stuffing. Then, chicken is tucked inside duck, duck/chicken squished inside turkey, and it's all sutured up to create a fantastic Russian Doll of fowl. As if this weren't enough, CMeats gives you the choice to cram your order with one of these fillings

  • jalapeno or plain cornbread
  • crawfish jambalaya
  • shrimp and sausage jambalaya
  • wild rice pecan
  • Cajun rice

Your beast will arrive vacuum-sealed and only a three-day refrigerated defrost away from ovenability. Then just plop it in a roasting pan, baste the thawed monster in a 350 oven for 4 hours, letting the stuffing plump and marinate in the buttery juice of baking birds. Finished product feeds 14-18, or one if you swallowed it whole to create the fabled Youturducken.