Tonight, ESPN2 will premier Four Minutes, the story of how Roger Bannister shattered preconceived notions of human endurance by running a mile in less time than it takes you to tumble down a flight of stairs. Even though your own mile time has bloated to 16 and change, Four Minutes should inspire you in the one arena you still strive to dominate: getting drunk. We suggest recruiting some friends, and starting your night with a Yucca.
Basically an alcohol time trial, a Yucca's a team-oriented booze-fest in which shocking quantities are consumed at blinding speeds. Making one is easy: get an enormous jar and fill it with ice. Add the Bacardi, Country Time and lemons, then fill with water. Gather around a table, taking turns shaking the jar with extreme, Doug Quaid-esque intensity. Once it's mixed, the bravest soul drinks from the jar for as long as he can. When he breaks for air, he passes left, sending the juice around until it's dusted.
Aside from presenting a challenge, taking down a Yucca provides these undeniable benefits:
It costs next to nothing (around $4 per drinker)
It's delicious and smooth, almost imperceptible from lemonade -- which would be girlish if you weren't chugging a gallon of it
It allows for a quick, efficient pre-evening drunk, perfect if your group's sober at 7:45pm, and has an engagement party at 8pm
Granted, doing a Yucca might be eerily reminiscent of the hardcore binging you did in college, but back then, you were a wide-eyed amateur, and now you're a seasoned pro with the grim determination to achieve alcoholic immortality. Speaking of which, the record stands at 8 minutes, 47 seconds. Go ahead. We believe in you.