Condoms have come a long way since the days when people used sausage casings and animal hides. Unfortunately, the hassle of rolling one onto your peen can still make prophylactic effectiveness shamefully irrelevant. Enter Hot Rod's Speedstrips, the jimmy hat that lets you get down to business before it's too late.
The Speedstrip's equipped with a patented rip-cord applicator that easily sweeps downwards in one fluid motion, long before your Toblerone can become a gummi worm. The company claims novice users can strap one on in three seconds flat, while saucy gigolos can gird up in a third of that. If you're afraid a "novelty condom" will leave you crippled with syphilis, slow your roll: Hot Rod puts each love-sac through a rigorous battery of tests, thereby ensuring: