Pockets can't hold all the junk guys carry these days, but the existing solutions (fanny-packs, "murses") just beg for a demeaning construction worker heckling. On the other end of the spectrum, there's Gytha Mander's Urban Holster, just now available in New York. The only worry: it might actually be too manly.
This is exactly what it sounds like: a compartmentalized holster that stretches snugly under your arm from shoulder to belt, just like the sling worn by classier police detectives/hitmen. Available in three sizes, it sports one main pocket (for your wallet or PDA), a smaller compartment (for your iPod, phone, or lucky Battle Beast action figure), a trio of cigarette loops, a credit card sleeve, and one last pocket for the ultimate weapon: cash. Or food stamps.
Handcrafted from 100% Napa Valley leather, the Holster's designed to be worn either out in the open or under a jacket, but we suggest only the latter, unless having had a cleft forehead in middle school left you completely immune to teasing. Properly cloaked, the Holster's imperceptible and, frankly, empowering: try subtly flashing it to a coworker, then staring impassively as he considers whether or not to urinate himself.
Sure, this thing's excessive, but it's undeniably useful, as it leaves your pockets free for hands, snacks, or stolen office supplies. Of course, the Holster's also ideal if you've just been Derringer shopping -- so if gap-toothed riveters give you guff, you'll have easy access to justice, and your passport.